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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004

Time:7:34 am.
i have once again switched names, this time for the final time. i'm too broke to buy a namingway, so i just started another account. www.livejournal.com/users/joshinji

i picked the new and final name for an obvious reason.
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Tuesday, August 31st, 2004

Time:12:12 pm.
i must have some serious black out issues, because i don't remember writing this.
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Saturday, August 28th, 2004

Time:2:12 pm.
i had typed up a whole thing about friday night as jake's house...but on second thought i think i'll actually keep my thoughts to myself. all i say, is what happened has really caused a mental explosion, which hopefully i'll get over soon.

till then, big smiles everybody!
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Wednesday, August 25th, 2004

Time:9:58 pm.
i lied...

there is something going on in my life, i just try to forget it. it's money. which i'm sure is a problem for most people, i'm just not use to it. well, it's not like i've ever been rolling in the money. even when i was living on my own, i still had some spare money each check to buy a couple of dvds or whatnot. i guess that's how i judge my "poorness" is whether i'm able to buy useless items like dvds, toys, games, whatever.

since my trip, i have had literally no spending money. it's not going to get any better either. so bad in fact, that i'm going to have to continue living with my dad, even when he moves in a couple of months until i can finally catch up. the main problem, is that i have decided to get those two credit cards paid off. one of them threatened me with legal action, and although it might be a bluff it worked. not to mention, if i just give them 90 bucks, then they'll start the credit card up like nothing had happened. my other credit card has been closed for good, but i pay it all off i don't think i'll get any bad credit from there way. so, my plan was to pay both of them $90 a piece this check, and be on the way to paying off the combined $900 debt from them.

well, steve just called wondering about his money. i was going to see if he could hold off a couple of weeks, but he started in on how he needs money to live off, blah blah. so, i promised him at least half of it. so, one of those credit cards doesn't get paid yet. i guess that i will have to call them tomorrow, and maybe they can put in their computer the day i plan on paying them so they will hold off the dogs.

normally i could pay all three, but there's the subject of my dad too. i have to pay him $50 a check for rent. well, i skipped out on a payment and was only allowed to make a partial last check, so now i have a back log of $130 that i owe him. so far he's been understanding, but this is my dad we are talking about. it's only a matter of time before he turns me.

the good thing out of all this, is my last car payment is tomorrow. that'll give me an extra $130 check to dedicate towards those two debts. i also want to try and sell the car before i move out, and find me an old volkswagen or datsun or something old and cheap to operate. leaning towards the volkswagen, because if i had any problems george could either fix it for me, or tell me what to do.

basically, if i can do something...this is the reason why. it's going to be this bad for at least the next three months. i want to get these debts paid off as fast as i can so i can get moved out, and if that means not having any of this spending money. so, be it.

*edit* 7:53 am

boy things always get worse don't they? i get a call from my dad, and yay! he decided to be a total fucking asshole demadnding all the money i owe him. i tell him i can't because i have to make a credit card payment, and pay steve some money.

"what!?! you would rather pay that sorry fat fuck over me?"

"fine dad, i'll go sell some things just so you can have your money."

"don't start that shit with me, just don't pay him and give me money. i've been buying you tv dinners out of my money just so you can have something to eat!"

(yep, you read that right. he bought me 10 $1 a piece tv dinners.)

"well dad, i can't exactly go 'thanks for the money steve, now fuck off.' he has no money because he has no job, and i promised i would get him his money."

"it's not my fault he's fat and lazy and can't get a job"

i'll stop...this went on and on for another 10 minutes. i finally got him to settle down, and he agreed that he would see how much money he had tomorrow and to hold of on paying anything. if he had enough, he wouldn't demand all the money. but he won't have enough, the asshole never does.

it's moments like this that i wish i was dead...
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Time:9:32 am.
i've spent the better part of the week reading random webcomics. reading all the archives of stuff i should know all about like white ninja, and reading a lot of obscure stuff like bad blood. the more and more i read, just makes me realize that when i finally do get around do doing mine, i better do it right. or else it'll be easy for me to slip into the oblivion.

i work tonight to get me catched up on my getting the days switched. usually i would be bummed about having to work a sixth day in a row, but this week flew by so fast that tonight acually feels like it should be the last day.

i guess carin starts working in exactly one week. a bit nervous seeing her again. still curious to see how i'm going to react. actually more me than her. i'm sure seeing me again, will bring not much of a reaction from her. she never does really show much emotion.

enough about her. i guess george lucas had his crew or posse or whatever they are sign non-disclosure papers about episode 7,8,9 of star wars. does this mean there will be more? i doubt it, it's probably just a "just in case" thing. but i hope there really are more. more...as long as lucas himself doesn't direct. why was the empire strikes back the best movie of the series? because he didn't direct...

i guess enough of this...don't really know why i made an entry...just kind of felt like i should. although there will probably be less from me, at least in the near future. my life has really gotten non-monumental, that i truly don't ever have anything to write about. well, with the fridays off things might actually start happening...like dead bodies. then there would be tons of fun to write about...

okay...i'm going...
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Sunday, August 22nd, 2004

Time:7:31 am.
i got some news a couple of days ago, that even now i'm not so sure how to react to. a part of me is as happy as can be, yet the other part is really worried.

carin's moving back, and will start working with me again in a couple of weeks.

happy, because i don't care what anyone says...i still think she's the love of my life. this almost proves it, because i am getting yet another shot to win her over. even puerto rico couldn't stand in my way.

the part of me that's worried though is more logical. more than likely, i am about to face every sense of rejection there is and i could become a mental mess again. trust me i was, for more than a year it was almost impossible to even crack a smile.

the last couple of months before she moved though, i refused to let myself get attached and actually didn't let any of my emotions get a hold of me. i think this made me look a lot better, especially compared to the crazy obsessive that i'm sure she viewed me as.

i've become really close to her father, and i have to wonder if this helps or hinders my chances. on one hand, i'm sure her father has nothing but positive things to say about me, thus improving my image to her. on the other though, as i learned with the english girl, getting close to a parent can make it almost impossible to have a relationship with their daughter.

the reason she would never date me? i had no goals. do you know what that tells me? she had feelings for me, and was afraid of getting attached to me. i have goals now...so look out my dear.

i'm gonna take my time. i have all the time in the world...to make you mine.
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Friday, August 20th, 2004

Time:4:25 am.
i was watching "i know what you did last summer" just for one of my favorite quotes...and orrin will be the only one who gets this...

"get out of my house!"
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Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Time:8:10 am.
holy fuck yeah!

i managed to get fridays off instead of wednesdays off every week. i told my manager i wanted to switch days, because i haven't had a social life since i started in produce. guess she fell for my sob story, and gave me the day off from now on. well, starting next week. i could of had it off this week, but i had plans tonight so postponed it. this is good, because now i can hang out with nick, jake, or clinton...or all three at the same time now. not too mention it should be easier to see tim now too.
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Saturday, August 14th, 2004

Time:10:05 am.

classic. i recieved a letter from capital one yesterday that i was 120 days late on my payment. awesome...

this is just pretty much another rant on the awesomness of george. got to talking about the gay new jersey gov' and i brought up that i didn't see why he resigned, pretty much just because he was gay. he agreed, and we starts sharing all our thoughts on homosexuality. well almost all...i didn't tell him that i like the mansex...but anywho. he pretty much agreed with me, bringing up that everyone in someway is bisexual, just some more than others. also, that the homophobes might be surprised how many of their friends and relatives are gay.

for a man of 55 to have such views is amazing. once again sealing the fact that i wish he was my dad. of course my dad is the biggest homophobe in the world. funny, considering i'm gay 1/2.

george > my dad
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Friday, August 13th, 2004

Subject:i need more time just to make things right
Time:5:51 am.
it seems like i change my life goals every five minutes...but how does this one sound?

since college can suck a mammonth's miracle whip stick...

oh yeah. i got a letter from butler today, that i should of got about a month ago in this whole financial aid process. too late you cunt licking bitches!

but, i will contact vatterott in the next couple of weeks and go through their mandatory tour of the campus and hopefully get things settled. i will go through their boring program, that will wise me up on computers. then i will get an IT job, earn some money. then i will start my own website up, so i can finally start getting this webcomic in my head up and going. i need to find someone with a scanner, so i can get a couple of my sketches up, and have you guys actually tell me if they are any good or not. i can't totally decide on a style either, so maybe a vote on which one you like best...

that's all.
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Thursday, August 12th, 2004

Time:11:30 am.
well, it's good to see that after the greatness of my trip, my life has gone back to being shiitake to the max. i hadn't got the promisary note for my student loan yet, and me bill for my classes was due tomorrow. so, i call steve to ask if he had gotten his. well, i guess i was supposed to get a letter asking which bank that i wanted my loan to go through. yep, never got it. steve suggested i go down to the college, and put some money down on my classes and sort things out. can't happen, because my check was only $200, and after my car payment i have like $50 left. so...yep, no school for me. i'm most disappointed about the japanese class, because i was going to be able to take that class with three friends. now, if i even ever do take it it'll be by myself.

right now, i'm burned on this whole college thing. the only thing i would want a degree in anyways is anthropology, and that wouldn't get me a good job. i guess good ol' vatterott is going to get a call from me. just put me through a 60 week computer course, and i'll go to mindnumbing computer tech job. at least i'll have enough money to breath.

also, some little kids laughed at me the other day because they thought i looked like michael jackson. (true story) fuck those brats...
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Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004

Time:7:34 am.

i just got done with a 22 hour drive, and i'm still awake. which is quite odd, when i was nearly hitting every construction barrel on the way back because i was so tired. i guess, i will divide the rant into two posts, so much has happened it only makes sense. but for now...rest, i promise to get the first of the posts up tonight.
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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004

Time:11:24 am.
well, i guess i should officially say goodbye. steve did come visit me at work, and we did route out our adventure, so we are all but official. sounds like he's actually going to lend me some money too, so i can actually buy things. i've been put on task to try to find the biggest snorlax possible, and the zatoichi soundtrack. i will do my best for those two individuals. hopefully i can find something that's "once in a lifetime" for me, if not i might as well wait until i do have the money to buy it.

i decided to go about sleeping all day, and i hope that when it's my turn to drive i am able to manage. hell, i did alright on my drive up to lawerence, so i know i can do it. the route we decided on to get there, is taking highway 40 through missouri, illinois, indiana, kentucky, and west virginia. on the way back, it'll be pennsylvania, ohio, indiana, illinois, and iowa. i'll get to see eight states that i have never been too.

well...i guess that's it, i will take hundred's of pictures, and of course will have a massive con report, so i will see everyone in seven days.

i'll leave a link to my new favorite webcomic: (a useless link for richard though)
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Tuesday, July 27th, 2004

Time:9:45 am.
i guess today is my birthday or something. this is the first birthday i have had, where it just felt like another day. no one else really seems to care it's my birthday, so i won't care either.

i get to spend the majority of today burning off about 40 cd's...this is beyond crazy. fortunately if i get a pace going, i can do about 12 an hour. at least we will have plenty to listen to on the trip. speaking of which, you would of thought steve would of called or something with it coming so soon just to set down the final details. nothing though. i'm passed being worried about him standing up, but i just don't like going into this blindly. we still don't even have the route we are going to take down yet. i guess just head east, and hope we get somewhere.

also, i still stick to what i said two years ago.

"i could listen to weezer's pinkerton and nothing else, and be happy."

well...as happy as i could i am now. point...even as listen to it now, for well over the 1000th time, i still am not bored with it.
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Sunday, July 25th, 2004

Time:8:54 am.
i got a pleasant surprise at work today in a visit from jake. at first i thought it was going to be a pointless trip for him, because we stood there for the first couple of minutes with nothing to say really to each other. but something, i don't remember, sparked a bunch of random conversation. an hour and a half of conversation. it was good to actually talk to someone besides george in person. i really hadn't in a couple of weeks. anyways, he gave a couple of ideas for comics that i want to do. like "buffy waltrip the vampire slayer", a nascar comic that only me and him will get, but it should be pretty funny for non-nascar fans too.

i really should be getting things ready for the trip, but i'm just sitting here downing vodka. i guess, i really don't have a lot to prepare except for packing clothes and cleaning supplies, but i still feel like i should be doing something. this is the biggest trip of my life, and i'm just doing everyday things, almost not realizing that it's coming up in three days. good news is, i have got a hold of a digital camera so there should be a bunch of random pictures for me to share. besides baltimore, i will get to see at least chicago, philadelphia, and washington d.c. hopefully i can visit a couple more on the way back like pittsburgh and maybe cleveland or cinncinati.

sad, i'm almost looking forward to the road trip more than the actual convention. but i guess it's understandable when i've never been passed st. louis...or the mississippi river to be precise.

Are you cool enough to be a scoobie? by SisterSoul
My name is
Day you became a scoobieJune 6, 1999
You are the best friend of
Time to fight, you grabyour quick wit
The first demon you killed wasa Vengance Demon
You were noted for saying"Do you see how cool I was there? Eyes, get some!"
The scoobie that secretly WANTS youSpike
The scoobie that secretly WANTS to KILL youSpike
Quiz created with MemeGen!

james marsters want's to sleep with me...then kill me?

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Friday, July 23rd, 2004

Time:11:31 am.
i didn't really do a whole lot during my days off. typical of my first day off, i slept like 12 hours. so, once i woke up it was 1am and too late to do anything. so, i did what i thought was best and played playstation for next 11 hours. i then slept again, so i could try to get up at a good time this time. after two hours, steve calls wanting to know if i wanted to meet him at japan express at 6pm. sounded good, we still needed to talk some things out for the trip. only problem is, is that i couldn't get back to sleep after his phone call.

met him, and had these excellent pork and veggie dumplings. then went to borders so i could get yet another yakuza book. i guess this book is the book, that people refer to when making their yakuza movies. should be pretty good. after that we came back to my place and did nothing really but watch two hours of jrock videos i had downloaded that he had yet to see. watched some conan, and he left. a good time, but i really had problems staying up the whole time. after he left, i of course go back to sleep and that leads me to right now. wide awake, 10 hours till work. might as well just stay up, there's always more playstation to be played.

even more reason to hate "i love the 90's." in the 1996 special, they talk about how big oasis was then like four people go off about how they disappeared and are nothing. the fuck? four successful albums after 1996...and they are nothing? this included quotes like, "they just go too big too fast." and "we haven't seen them ever since." where in the hell have they been living?
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Tuesday, July 20th, 2004

Time:10:30 am.
yes, i just stole this off some random person's journal (thanks to the link to the livejournal picture finder i got from richard) but it made me laugh.

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Time:8:05 am.
just wanted to talk about "gravitation" a little. i bought the latest issue of newtype, and it had the first episode on the dvd. unfortunately i had to watch it dubbed, but i was that disappointed. i keep hearing how dubs are so good these days, so i willing to give it a chance. yes...they are good...if you are comparing them to the old animego dubs. the acting was so bad in this, and it reminded me of an age old question. i know they are trying to get the lip flapping in sync, but they they really need to feel it with "hmmm-hmmmm." whatever...to the anime...

to my very pleasant surprise, it's yaoi. i really thought it was the story of a girl falling in love with a rockstar. nope all gay. i had a half smile the whole time, because this is the first time that i had seen anything like this...it was great! now, the aforementioned horrible took away from it, but i know for sure it's the first show i am going to pick up after it's all released. great music, funny, and very pretty animation. i can't wait to show it to steve thursday. i have no intention at all of letting him in on the story. so, when the first smooch happens i can revel in his shock. bwahahahaha!

with all that said.

i was asked so many times why i loved carin. i was never really ever able to answer. i have finally figured it out. her father has the greatest personality i have ever seen. the way he interacts with people, his laid back attitude, and how he knows about everything. carin, while not a whole lot had some of this personality. that on top of her being gorgeous, it wasn't hard. if george was my age, there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind that we would be the best of friends. we have so much in common, other than he's calm and i'm always angry and worked up. of the 8 hours that i work with him everyday, at least six of thoses are me an him in a conversation. whether about japan's impending doom to china/north korea, to alice cooper's stage shows. there is never something that i can't talk to him about. i even got him interested in malic mizer, and am going to construct a cd for him. i accidently left my yakuza book at work on my weekend off, and he started reading it and wanted to borrow it. this is a book that most people would have no desire to read.

maybe i just admire the guy so much, because he has all the qualities of my prototypical father. instead, i get stuck with the most passive man i have ever met, whose qualities come to sitting in a recliner and watching crappy action movies. i really did get shafted in the parent department.
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Monday, July 19th, 2004

Time:12:21 pm.
i am extremely troubled. my week has started out good. first, the homeless girl found my social security card laying in the yard. unfortunately, that was the only thing left from my wallet. even though it was out there in the rain and other adverse condtions, it's still intact. so, tomorrow getting my license will be pie.

secondly, i was talking to one of my friends at work about how steve wasn't answering my calls, and it was pissing me off. right as i walked away from him, who do i see walking through the front door? good ol' steve. never gave any explaination as to why he never called me back, but our tickets have been bought, so everything is go go again.

thirdly, gay porn. i couldn't figure out why i couldn't get any gay porn to come out in my search results on kazaa lite. even just typing in "gay" brought no results. i looked through the filter screen and everything looked normal...until i scrolled through the text box of things to filter. i didn't know you could scroll down, and i thought it was just used to filter out viruses. but, when i scrolled down "homosexual" and "gay" were blocked. why? normal porn is okay, but guy on guy is bad? well, i took care of that and can on looking for my yaoi japanese in drag on porn. weird fetishes are the best.

thus, why i am worried. it is world known that bad things happen to me. usually after i start feeling good about life again. i'm not going to worry though.

crap. i really wish i wouldn't have bought some things, while i thought i wasn't going. so, i'm not going to have a whole lot of spending money now. that is, unless i can talk my dad into loaning me a couple hundred dollars. i rate that at about a 10 percent chance of actually happening though.

i guess that's all i had to say, i'll try to be more creative next time.
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Friday, July 16th, 2004

Time:1:50 pm.
left steve a message yesterday that he really needed to call me, and he still hasn't called again. so, i'm rating the trip at about a 2 out of 10 chance of happening. if he stands me up, i am pretty much putting an end to the friendship to. if there is some reason he can't go, he just needs to be up front and tell me. avoiding me, pisses me off more than anything. fuck, i might as well end his friendship too. why not? i'm losing all my other friends at a shattering pace.

i hung out with cody at his girlfriend's apartment. it was one of the apartments i was going to check out when i moved out. but after seeing her's, i'm crossing it off the list. it's not that it was horrible or anything, but the southlake place was definitely a lot better. which, assuming cody isn't jailed he's wanting to move out with me. that would be more than great, but i really don't see how he's going to get out of his crime without some kind of jailtime.

he also hung out yesterday, where i made him buy the franz ferdinand cd. he was also kind enough to make a me a copy of the new modest mouse cd which is beyond great. we ate at some new restaurant too called the fox and hound pub. the decor was awesome, with wood walls and massive wall bigscreens. but the food was horrible. at least i didn't pay 22 bones for my meal like cody did. i also bought me a max drive. it's a flash memory stick for the ps2, so i can convert saves to and from my computer. which reminds me, that i really need to go off about the greatness of flash memory in a future rant.

guess that's all i got, just the usual depressing.
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LiveJournal for raghnall.

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